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First rule of thumb, hipsters are too busy on purpose with that stinking attitude acting like they don’t want to be part of society, SO THEREFORE do not encourage them to make coffee. Going to coffee shop is a necessary part of a functioning society that interacts. Hipsters don’t interact on purpose. so fuck em. So I tried at that Holy of holies coffee shop called ALLPRESS along Redchurch Street, near Brick Lane. AH joy, no long pompous night club queue but the schmuck serving me had that studiously look; whether I was worth serving or not. So I held my breathe and ordered my poison, and in fine dinning style he put the order slip onto the needle thingie.

“how many before me?” I said in hope of getting a much needed caffeine hit.”um, 5-6 ” he said sarcastically, knowing that I had been suckered here by the word of mouth of the mighty ALLPRESS chain, yea right..

I then tabulated for him in real time (something hipsters cannot do) how long exactly it would take and by my reckoning it was something like 2-3 mins per coffee. Judging by the way he was frolicking around it could have been more. Why do fucking hipsters look as they think we’re kinda not working here because its like, ironic.

“so that’ll be 15minutes?” I stated.  A startled face emerged and he didn’t know what to say..I went on “um, it’s a bit long especially sitting on your uncomfortable wooden chairs ” “well we like ’em” he said of course.

With that I walked away and explained that in the real world of commerce 15minutes is f-ar too long for a coffee to be made, in fact by that rate a factory of prepubescent filipinos could put together Alexander McQueens Winter and Summer collections in fine fettle.

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